Preparing for 24

Dear twats,

Tomorrow, I embark on my 24th year of life. I am not at all pleased with turning 24... Why? Because I look back at my life and realize I have accomplished nothing spectacular. Granted, I've had the opportunity to travel to Europe, I received my bachelor's degree, and I'd like to think I've lived a rather fun life. But, I failed to find a job upon graduation, I am tens of thousands in debt, I'm perpetually single, and now, I blog. What has my life become?

I do plan on going all out for my birthday, something I haven't done since my 21st birthday, when I rented out the frattastic Motown bar, Rain. That was an awesome birthday party I'll never remember. This year, I plan on spending my birthday weekend in Columbus with some close friends and little sister. The week after, I'm throwing a private rager at one of my favorite Motown bars, Bent. All in all, I better have a good time... I've taken some precautions so nobody ruins my good time. I'm all about good times, not so much good vibes, but good times.

If you're wondering what I'd like for my 24th birthday, here's a sampling of my "wish list":

- A fucking job. Preferably, one located in Los Angeles that pays more than $60,000
- Some new clothes. I already have an impressive wardrobe, but I always find myself wearing the same shit.
- A new car. I love my Jetta, but I'd love an Audi even more
- A sugar daddy... Now, this one shall be limited in scope. I just want presents in return for my fun and charming accompaniment.

So, as I celebrate the 24th anniversary of my life, I request that nobody get in my way. Don't fucking bother me with your bullshit or petty drama. Come to my party and don't make it about you. Leave your drama and whiny attitudes at the door and buy me a fucking shot. You'll forever be in my debts.

Best,
-Dylsny